Seattle,
The tech capital, the inventor of Microsoft is from here. Everyone here has a library card also making us the literacy capital. It rains everyday, our suicide rate is insanely high, we are known for our great coffee and strange serial killers (Ted Bundy, Gary Ridgway) and it’s extremely passive aggressivly racist.
I’m loosing my mental state living in this city, it’s bad enough the African American population only makes up 11% of the state, putting us the smallest minority in Washington with Asian Americans coming in at 15% and Latino Americans 19% metaphorically speaking we are one brown spot on a black and white spotted Dalmatian. Rare. A black person stands out like a sore thumb depending on where you wonder off too, outside of Seattle limits its not so diverse. I’ve been in Auburn, Federal Way, Puyallup, Everett and have found myself excited when I seen another brown skinned person like myself.
Similar to the hypnotized people in the movie “get out” there is a very different breed of African Americans in Seattle. Most of them seem like they have been sunken down to a sunken place, they have no culture, no sense of history. They do not appreciate one another and they seem afraid of their blackness.
Before I go deeper let me point out that I have lived in the south, the Deep South. Alabama, Georgia and Florida. States where black culture thrives. Where dark skin is not shunned and kinky hair is considered beautiful. In these states where black people make up more than 50% of the population big families are not frowned upon, most black people are married and own their homes. Most of the police officers are black, the doctors are black, the school teachers are black and the people who ring you up at the store are black. It’s a big difference.
I always wonder what my school experience would have been like if my teachers and staff were 92% black ( like Bessemer high school ) instead of 4% ( like Foster high school ). Would my elementary memories still be of my teacher telling me my mother had to be a drug dealer since I had nice clothes. Would the kids still have asked me why my skin was burnt, or call me “nigger” in the cafeteria. One parents excuse to her child’s racist outburst was that “he had never seen black people before”
As if we are an in dangerous species who is scarcely seen around the world. I wonder if I would have been suspended for three weeks while a investigation went on about a stolen phone which in the end I was found innocent and had nothing to do with the whole situation (which I said from the beg) but they just knew it was me and my dark brown skin — the blond haired boy told the pricinple to his face how he seen me snooping through another girls bag which in the end the boy who actually did it felt so bad he came forth and set me free. I’m not saying I would have never got in trouble as a child surrounded by kids and teachers who look like me but I like to think if I did ever get disciplined I know forsure it wouldn’t be because of the color of my skin. If the teacher didn’t like me or the student wasn’t fond of me then I could actually say hey maybe it’s me, not because I’m one of the only few black children in the school and the only black child in honors, after they’ve managed to diagnose all the rest with behavioral problems and stick them in special ed.
Now back to the types of black people in Seattle that make the population. The Uncle Toms. The ones who have traded everything about them to fit in with people they will never be. These are usually the black people you’ll meet at work because one ounce of “y’all” in your voice and you can most likely kiss your corporate interview goodbye and head your ass to McDonald’s. They don’t want anyone with “flava” working in upper echelon.
As of today I work as a local bartender in the inner city, inside of a casino. I’m the only black female bartender, there is one black female working the tables, no black servers at all and the other two black employees they have that are men work security (hint, to the fact they use our men for masculinity)
Outside of the casino is actually a predominantly black neighborhood, so when asked why I would apply here I thought to myself is this not where I went to school at? Is every house on this block not full with a black family? Why is there not more black employees in this establishment is the real question.
“That’s Kenny he’ll call you black instead of your name, he says it to all of us don’t take offense”
These were the instructions given to me on my first day, from the card dealer. I guess the game floor manager had tried to get my attention by saying the word BLACK when I did not respond she felt the need to inform me of this.
I’ve been at this casino for five years and I’ve never answered to BLACK and I don’t think he’s ever liked me due to that. My mother did not name me black therefore I will not answer to black, the color of my skin is not even black I am a beautiful brown. The young and reckless me would have walked from that job that first day, but when I chose to move back to Seattle I knew these were the kinds of things I had to deal with. Passive aggressive racism. People would make comments to the floor manager like why are you hiring so many black people once I started working (remember I told you before it was only two) right in front of me — and till this day there are certain customers who refuse to work with me at all.
“You really can’t let the things they say to you on the floor get to you, they can be rude” my Asian American co worker said to me after asking why I chose to work in a Asian based establishment
Well outside these doors this is how America treats black people, I’ve had this skin all my life I’m use to it by now. Maybe if I didn’t spend my whole life being looked at as a thief when I enter a store or the police turning against me after I called them for help I’d be taking this treatment at work harsher. The truth is I am use to it. I’ve developed tough skin and a small layer of hate over the years but nothing surprises me or hurts me anymore.
When I was 12 our house was robbed for everything we had, when the police arrived he indicated to my mom that maybe I stole it and asked me to my face did I take my own belongings. I was 12. A seventh grader in middle school, where the fuck was I gonna take my own stuff? Why would I steal my own stuff just to have nothing to wear the next day at school. Weeks later when the surveillance video showed it was three men who probably lived near by us they never gave a apology. Instead started digging with more questions of how maybe I knew these grown men at the age of 12 and invited them over. We just couldn’t be victims, they wouldn’t allow it. (Seattle police for the record)
In the south they have confederate flags, it’s pretty black and white on where is and isn’t racist. Realistically speaking I know where in the south my black ass better not wonder off to if I want to live. For most places here racism means that means I’ll hire you but I won’t put you at front counter no matter how much experience you have. Or yes we need to hire another minority to make federal standards so let’s get every foreigner we can before hiring a black person. Which makes it harder to speak on because they would never be as bold in the northwest like they are down south but hate is there and it’s indescribable. You’ll only relate if you are brown like myself or if you love someone brown and have watched them struggle.
Most people here have never left Seattle to even see a state be ran any other way. My friends looked at me crazy when I said I went to the biggest hospital in the south similar to our (Harborview or Swedish) and all the doctors were black. When I asked my mother to name a place in Washington where they have more than two black employees working the only place that came to mind is Popeyes. Black people have no place in Washington, there is no black neighborhood. The only Black school we had was named “African American Academy” and I never noticed how offensive the name or location was until I wondered off into a prestigious private school in the middle of Georgia which had all black teachers and students and the name of the school had no indictation that “we got niggas here”. Now that I’ve been around the world that’s what the school screams to me “niggas over here” and to make matters worse it’s closed down now.
Washington is a very wealthy state, they like to say we don’t have hoods. I can agree to that. Even the places we consider the “hood” are not populated with our own kind. Rainer beach isn’t stocked with black teachers and the grocery store on Jackson isn’t shining with black employees when you walk in. Where is our place here? I’ve found myself asking that a lot.
Don’t get me wrong I love Seattle. I love the tall buildings that seem to never end, I love the hot dog stands that stay open all night on broadway, I love the convenience of public transportation here. The weather doesn’t even bother me much I love rain, we have the best water views and it doesn’t get blistering hot in the summer time. I love my skin more than Seattle, I love having peace in the work place. When I worked in the south I never had to worry about my blackness being attacked or even standing out. When people of other races would enter our establishment they looked at me like a person like everyone else in the room. Truth is white people in the south are use to black people. It’s not 7% — it’s not your one black coworker or one black friend you see every 6 months. It’s your next door neighbor and your child’s pediatrician. I have a black son who I want to be able to focus on school when it’s time and not having to explain why his skin color is different from his classmates. I don’t see the black population rising in this state any time soon, so I will be relocating again. It gives a greater mental peace. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of not letting what they say get to me day in and day out. I just want to live, unapologetically black.
